“Now it seems to me that love of some kind is the only possible explanation of the extraordinary amount of suffering that there is in the world.” Oscar Wilde

Is there any other area of life that has produced as much worry and suffering as love? Must love produce suffering, or is the suffering a product of a combination of love with something else . . . like fear of loss and / or regret?

If so – if suffering is unnecessary with pure love – it’s because love is unconditional and to create suffering because of what one “feels” is love is to create needless suffering.

Have you ever worried over love and turned the experience into suffering? How did you transcend it? What role, if any, did fear play in your experience of suffering? Wilde says “love of some kind” plays a role in all suffering. What other kinds of love besides romantic love, if any, have contributed to your suffering in your life?

Last night, I had the privilege to participate in an evening called, “How To Cope With Challenging Economic Times,” and I was personally challenged by a woman in the audience who asked a question to the effect of, “After all the cliches, the support of friends and family, the positive self-talk, the resume rewriting and the networking: after all that, my family is still desperate for money because both my ex-husband and I are now out of work. What do we do then?”

Her question cuts to the nub: what happens when there is so much adversity that nothing we do seems to change things and we feel powerless? The most I could do in the moment was to empathize and to focus on our shared human condition. Most likely, everyone past the age of 30 has had some loss from which there is truly no recovery – if we define “recovery” as restoring things to the way that they were.

Yet, the answer that most resonated with me – and the group – was that each day is to be taken one day at a time, and we get through it by loving each other. Cliche? Absolutely. True? You tell me. What else is there when all is said and done?

When adversity is so huge that nothing seems to work, do you: (a) withdraw to yourself (b) allow and invite others to support you emotionally (c) feel ashamed and try to work your way out of the situation by being tough, or (d) love yourself and allow others to love you through it? There is no right answer for everyone.

What do we do when prolonged adversity seems to be permanent? How are we able to access our power?

Peace is perhaps best understood by describing it rather than defining it. It is a dawn walk with your puppy, a sweet reconnection with a friend, a completion of a project long in the making, an embrace with someone you love . . . all life moments of joy which transcend the day-to-day.

What are your descriptors of peaceful moments? Is it the glow after a bike ride, a walk at the end of the day, meditation in a group of comrades, a hike in the full moon, or spending quality time with your children?

The concept of “peace” may be slightly less elusive if we have some ideas about what it looks and feels like – and if we can then navigate to those experiences. What are your favorite ideas of peace?

Family relationships, like all relationships, benefit from kindness, attention and nurturing. Author, Jim Rohn, said:

“Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.”

It’s one thing to be on your own – and quite another to have those by your side who are your family – by blood, marriage, choice – or just pure love.

How are you doing at nurturing your family ties? Is there someone in your life who sets an example and tends to nourish the family more or better than you? Are there any actions that you know, deep in your soul, that you wish you could take if only you could?

Any sincere discussion about an open mind will ultimately lead to consideration of having an open heart because, after all, what we are really talking about is *being* open.

Dan Millman, one of my favorite authors and teachers, wrote:

“You haven’t opened your heart fully, to life, to each moment. The peaceful warrior’s way is not about invulnerability, but absolute vulnerability – to the world, to life, and to the Presence you felt.  All along, I have shown you by example that a warrior’s life is not about imagined perfection or victory; it is about love. Love is a warrior’s sword; wherever it cuts, it gives life, not death.” (Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives – buy it; you’ll love it!)

Are you living with your heart wide open?  How do you feel when both your mind and your heart are wide open?  How have you felt when one or both have been shut down?  How have you opened up when you have been unavailable?

There’s a line in “Cabaret”: “Money makes the world go ’round.” This is a prevalent . . . and potentially troublesome . . . belief.

Is it possible that we have it wrong in our culture when we act as though money can buy happiness?

Have love and money ever intersected in your life? I heard someone say recently, “I married her for her money,” and I was sad that anyone would ever do that. Has that ever happened to anyone you know . . . or even to you?

Richard Friedman said, “Money will buy you a fine dog, but only love will make it wag its tail.”

Have you seen or experienced evidence of money influencing affairs of the heart? What do you believe is the best attitude toward money within a romantic relationship?

Copyright 2009. E. B. Hutt Bush and Coaching for Results, Inc.